Cover image of “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss. Published by Harper Business.
As a coach, you operate in a high-stakes environment, balancing the psychological, emotional, and physical demands of your athletes while pushing them toward peak performance. To succeed, you need more than just technical knowledge—you need the ability to communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and foster trust. Enter — Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss, a masterclass on negotiation from a former FBI hostage negotiator. While Never Split The Difference’s primary audience may seem like business professionals or law enforcement, its principles are profoundly applicable to the athletic coaching world. Here’s why this is a must-read for any serious coach.
1. Communication as a Competitive Edge
Coaches often find themselves in situations that require nuanced communication—whether motivating an athlete who’s hit a mental block, mediating between teammates, or advocating for your program with administrators. Voss’s concept of “tactical empathy” emphasizes understanding the emotional and psychological drivers behind another person’s behavior. This skill is invaluable in rowing, where the mental game can often determine the difference between success and failure.
For example, Voss’s strategy of “mirroring” repeating key words or phrases to build rapport—can be applied when coaching athletes who may be reluctant to open up about struggles. This technique helps athletes feel heard and valued, leading to deeper trust and improved performance.
Ultimately, people want to feel heard—something I strive to improve every day.
Active listening is about fully engaging with another person’s perspective. Too often, I catch myself listening just enough to start formulating a solution or suggestion while the other person is still speaking. When I do this, I’m not truly listening—I risk missing key details about their context or position.
As a coach, my instinct is to provide solutions and structure to help my athletes perform and grow. However, I’m learning that effective guidance can only come after I’ve fully understood their experiences and perspective. My mental framework is shaped by my own experiences, which may be vastly different from theirs.
Conversations are more than just words; they’re layered with unspoken thoughts, emotions, and context. It takes intentional effort and skill to uncover the full meaning behind what’s being said. Learning to listen deeply—to understand not just the message but the person behind it—is an invaluable part of fostering trust and growth.

2. Handling High-Pressure Situations
Athletics in general is inherently high-stakes, with split-second decisions often determining race or performance outcomes. As a coach, you face constant negotiation: managing expectations, handling conflicts, and inspiring athletes to push beyond their limits. Voss’s framework teaches you how to stay calm and collected under pressure—a vital skill for the heat of competition.
One particularly useful tool is Voss’s “labeling technique”, which involves identifying and verbalizing the emotions of others. Imagine calming a frustrated athlete after a disappointing training session by saying, “It sounds like you’re feeling defeated.” This approach validates their emotions while setting the stage for constructive dialogue about how to improve.
3. Building Buy-In and Trust
Coaches often need to “sell” their vision to their athletes. Whether it’s a grueling winter training plan or a tactical race strategy, gaining buy-in is essential for success. Voss’s advice to “get to no” can be revolutionary here. Rather than pushing athletes toward premature agreement, he suggests creating space for them to express doubts and concerns. This counterintuitive approach fosters genuine commitment instead of surface-level compliance.
4. Improving Team Dynamics
Team cohesion is critical in rowing, where synchronization and unity are non-negotiable. Voss’s principles can help coaches address underlying tensions within the squad. The Accusation Audit — preemptively addressing potential criticisms—can be particularly effective. For example, if a crew member feels sidelined during seat racing, acknowledging their perspective upfront with something like, “You might feel like I’m not giving you a fair chance,” can defuse defensiveness and keep conversations productive.
During any school year, I have had to have difficult but essential conversations with athletes or students. You know going in to the conversation that it is going to be challenging. However, It has been my conversation that if the discussion goes well, affirming that you think highly of the athlete/student and their potential, yet correcting behavior and explaining why they way they are behaving or thinking is not optimal (always address the behavior not the actual person), it provides a positive platform for moving forward together with a stronger relationship. Ultimately, this conversations communicate that you care enough about the student/athlete that you feel the effort to address the issue is important. The other person may not thank you in the moment, but teaching and coaching are always “long-game” processes.

5. Raising Funds and Resources
Beyond the water or playing field, coaches frequently find themselves negotiating with donors, school boards, or athletic directors to secure funding or resources. Voss’s strategies for negotiating value without compromise can empower coaches to advocate more effectively for their programs. His advice to use the “Black Swan” approach—uncovering hidden variables that can dramatically change the outcome—can transform these conversations.
For example, understanding that a school board values community engagement might shift your pitch from “We need a new eight” to “This equipment will help us, grow our programs, provide more opportunities for college scholarship recruitment, host more community regattas and engage more families in the sport.”
It’s is always productive to frame the benefits of a proposed equipment purchase (or even a training plan) rather than the features of this proposed purchase/training plan.
6. Resonance with Rowing’s Mental Toughness
Rowing demands resilience, both physically and mentally. Never Split The Difference is ultimately a book about mindset—how to approach challenges with curiosity, adaptability, and determination. Voss’s lessons on staying composed under pressure and creatively solving problems align perfectly with the attributes we cultivate in our athletes.
Final Thoughts
Never Split The Difference is more than just a book about negotiation—it’s a handbook for navigating human dynamics.
As rowing coaches, we are leaders, mentors, and communicators, roles that require us to inspire, connect, and advocate daily. Chris Voss offers tools to elevate these interactions, transforming them from transactional to transformational.
By applying Voss’s strategies, rowing coaches can enhance not only their leadership skills but also the development and success of their athletes. Reading this book isn’t just a good idea; it’s a stroke toward becoming the coach your athletes need you to be.
Recommendation:
Pick up a copy, take notes, and prepare to reshape your coaching philosophy—one conversation at a time.